Well, as expected, I decided to start a blog and then got distracted with other lifee things, and here we are mid 2024 without a single post…

It’s been a busy time, I finished my mental health qualification,  which just about near killed me, it was so fast paced, but definitely rewarding to complete. Post study, I had big plans to start my own business as a horticultural therapist…sounds wonderful yeah, the only problem is I have no idea really how to get started.  So instead, I collapsed with exhaustion for a bit, then turned into a hermit, deluding myself that painting my whole house was a more urgent task, amongst other don’t leave the house type of odd jobs, ultimately a tactic to avoid my crippling fear of the unknown.  I don’t do too well when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing….

Whats all this got to do with sobriety you say? Well…! Throughout sobriety, I’ve stayed busy, mentally challenging myself, being physically active and putting endless efforts into self care.  So, deciding to have a break from the world before getting into business mode seemed like a stellar idea, turns out I was really, really WRONG!

I’ve had more cravings for booze in the last two months than I have in the previous two YEARS!  I wonder will they ever go away, then it dawns on me all over again that drinking is a symptom, a sign that life is not in balance.  I think it is boredom that brings the cravings for me, plus anxiety of not knowing what steps to take to get where i want to go.  Also a lack of meaningful engagement with people.  I mean, my walls look really nice, pictures hung etc, but who ACTUALLY cares?? Turns out I do not.

So, for me, it’s time to stop hiding at home, stop procrastinating, stop being utterly bored with my existence and get back into the mission.  Next week I start a volunteer role at a nursing home,  in the garden,  to improve the area for the elderly residents and increase their engagement with the space.  Boy, am I excited and can’t believe I found this opportunity, which was really too easy when I thought of the idea….!  It would be nice if it was paid work, but hopefully that will come with time as I gather some experience. 

I’m really glad, being on my second round of sobriety, rather than giving in to the bored empty abyss and getting sloshed, instead I was able to choose getting busier again! Twenty nine months sober and counting.

Tell me what you’ve all been up to during your journey.  I’d love to hear about your personal growth,  the good, the bad, and the ugly…

xxx